Funemployment

Ah, the joys of funemployment!

My first week post-Job From Hell has been pretty good, except that it's SO DAMN HOT.

I hate hot weather. Not as much as I hate wind, and when it's hot and windy, I'm a very unhappy soul.

At least Hurricane Ken came to town for a quick visit, and there was an Ant Bully reunion lunch of sorts on Friday. That was fun, even though it was in North Hollyweird where it was approximately 10 million degrees. NO LIE. Next time we all gotta meet up where there's plenty of table space and alcohol to be had.

I forgot to mention that I took part of a group art show that fellow Fight Crew member Vulvarine curated:
















Of course the art piece I did isn't really cute.

It's ridiculous.

I painted it on the fly at my last week of work. Yes, I painted. With real paint.

Allegedly people like it, but not enough to buy it.

Ah well.

When I get the painting back I'll take a photo of it and post it.

And I missed the opening reception. Dammit.


Time to go to the beach and mutter under my breath about how stoopidly crowded it is because it's so stoopidly hot. Global warming sucks!

Stuff I Didn't Think I'd Do...

This past weekend I went to the Orange County Rollergirls Roll For A Cure breast cancer fundraiser/tournament in lovely Corona, CA.

I hope to never have to drive to freakin' Corona again, but the venue where the tournament was held is great.

Too bad it's in Corona.

Anyway, while I was waiting for my chance to do some announcing, I inadvertently went skate shopping.

Now, at the beginning of the year I was planning on stepping down from Fight Crew by this time.

Yes, something resembling retirement.

My knees were in agony and I was shuffling around like a 70 year old man, my work schedule just exploded, the DH was/still is terminally neglected, the house hasn't been cleaned since the DH's birthday party back in February, and my current skates are falling apart.

Due to the above list, I was just going to let my own little entropy project take its course in the form of my skates literally falling off my feet. Which I wouldn't care about since I was gonna retire, right?!?!?!

But then things changed...the job ended, the DH got all involved with making the ruleset that we'll be using for the Battle on the Bank tournament that we'll be hosting at the end of June, and most importantly, I discovered the joys of plyometrics and started doing them about 20 minutes a session twice a week for the past couple of months.

My knees are almost what they were before I started derby.

Which is to say, they ain't 1,000%, but they're definitely skateable.



SO, there I was in miserable freakin' Corona and I start looking at skates.

One of the booths had a skate boot that's designed especially for roller derby.

They had my size.

I tried 'em on and was impressed. The booth was willing to give me a mild discount because these particular boots were a botched special order so the girl who originally ordered them didn't want them.

SOLD!!!!

I also got new lightweight skateplates that cost as much as the damn boots. Hopefully it'll be worth it.

Unfortunately the plates had to be ordered and mounted on the boots, so I didn't get to take home my exciting new purchase. I should get them by next week.

With my luck, I'll suffer some horrific injury right after I get the new skates.

OR, I'll have to skate for at least a year longer to justify the cost of the damn things.

Either way, I'm happily broke right now.


Here's some more drawings from last year. This first one was obviously done after I watched some old movie:





















Very Rita Hayworth, don't you think?



I did this one before I did the above drawing. It looks like I was channeling Pamela Anderson a little bit. Ugh.























Oh! I momentarily forgot to mention my almost-brush-with-fame-story...

On my last day of work, I went to the main lot for one last round of dvd shopping. Got the DH the complete Brisco County dvd set and Bullit for myself. As I was wandering around, I happened to stroll by the set where they film Two and a Half Men or whatever that series is that stars Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer.

In front of the soundstage were parking spaces, and I looked at the nice expensive cars of the producers who parked there and wondered to myself where Charlie Sheen parks. At just that instant, he hurries out from some hidden nook, obviously late for...something.

Poor bastard. To be running late and having to rush by some strange-looking woman dressed all in black, carrying a bag of dvd's and an umbrella on a sunny California day.

Gotta give him credit, he's a professional. I smiled, he smiled back as he rushed off to his important whatever-it-was that he was late for.

One of these days I hope to "accidentally" bump into George Clooney!


And since people have been asking, here's the latest on Beavis.

Pretty on the Inside

Here's a post-meltdown drawing I did last year. Apparently I draw OK when I'm ready to step in front of a fast-moving train:






















Here's a happy drawing I did:















Obviously there's something wrong with me.

Last Year's Rejects

Stuff that will never see the light of day in an animated production:

Mind=BLOWN

I played last night.

And got kicked out.

Along with five of my teammates, so I don't feel so bad.

And...




WE WON THE GAME.








BY OVER 100 POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It.

Was.

INSANE.

The crowd was so loud during the first quarter of the game, the ears of those of us in the infield were in terrible pain. It didn't matter what the outcome of the game was gonna be; the audience was there for US.

The final score: LA 118, San Diego 14.

That's not a typo.

Our scoreboard doesn't even accomodate three-digit scores, so by the final whistle it looked like we won by only four points.

Our team just ROCKED. We all did what we were supposed to do. We all were where we were supposed to be. San Diego was just overwhelmed and overpowered. I love those girls, and they're skilled as hell, but LA figured out teamwork, and it showed.

I'm so proud of the league!

Our general league intro from last night:





Here's another "greatest hits" montage that played in front of the Austin derby documentary, Hell on Wheels. I'm not a fan of Queen, but this is an EXCELLENT use of Another One Bites the Dust:



OH!

I forgot to mention that I now have an official theme song for when I get kicked out of games.

It's not a custom song, but it's funny nonetheless.

Back in January, it was expected that I'd get kicked out of the game, so Joan Jett's Bad Reputation was cued up for me. Well, I didn't get kicked out when I was supposed to, but Tough Cookie Iron Maiven did, so the song was hers.

The next time I got kicked out, this song played:



Yeah.

Duran Duran.

GOOD TIMES!!

Everyone expected me to be p!ssed that I'd get saddled with a Duran Duran song. It's not like I'm known for loving Duran Duran.

But in actuality, I don't mind it so much.

Maybe it's because I have a weakness for Girls On Film after all these years!

I Think I Need A Vacation...

Ever jolt yourself awake in the middle of the night during a particularly vivid dream?

So have I.

But have you done so because Scott Baio was in said dream?

Until last night, I hadn't.

WTF?!?!??!?!

The dream also included a musical interlude by LA 80's band the Gun Club. 

What does all this mean?

I'm not sure.

Could it be that I'm:

Stressed about this Saturday's derby game?

Stressed about work?

Stressed about rising water and gas prices?

Stressed about losing the remaining Pernicious Passover Pounds(of which I have 3. Which will go back up to 4 or 5 by the weekend due to the mandatory Carb Loading needed for Saturday's game)?

Well the last one may not count, as it didn't stop me from doing what terrifies most women into fetal balls of whimpering fear: BUYING A BATHING SUIT.  I even got something that isn't too hideous.  The Dear Husband rolled his eyes when I showed him what I got, though.  Harrumph.

On a non-stressed note, I'll be doing some more roller derby announcing at the OC Rollergirls Roll for a Cure extravaganza next weekend.  That should be fun!

Also, I've been watching a LOT of old Warner Bros Gangster movies at work lately.  Three box sets, to be exact. I've been torturing the coworkers with tommy gun fire and east coast accents with films such as: Little Caesar, Ladykiller,  the Roaring Twenties, the Petrified Forest, Bullets or Ballots, G Men, A Slight Case of Murder and Brother Orchid.  Now wherever I go, I imitate Edward G. Robinson by saying, "Alright you mugs!" every chance I get. 

I find that people are baffled that I prefer watching old movies. I don't know what the big deal is, as not many contemporary films have anything resembling character, good writing and interesting cinematography. Things that could come in handy in my business...or they should, at any rate. 

The last week on the job of last year's directorial debut by Yours Truly featured Action Boy wandering into my office in absolute shock and amazement when he heard the machine-gun chatter of Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell in His Girl Friday playing on the dvd player. 

Action Boy: Wow! You're watching His Girl Friday!

Red Diabla: Uh, yeah.

AB: I didn't know you knew about that film.

RD: Cary Grant is one of my favorite actors.

AB: Rosalind Russell ain't so bad, either! But most girls don't watch old stuff like that.

RD: Well, I do.

AB: watches the movie for several minutes. You should watch more Rosalind Russell. She's girly but she's tough. You'd love her.

RD: Yeah, I know.

AB: looks at RD quizzically. You know who she is?

RD: gets the feeling that "I'm a complete moron" is tattoo'd across her forehead. Of course. I'm watching this(points to the tv) aren't I?

AB: Oh. Yeah. Well, you should watch more of this stuff. wanders off...

RD: rolls eyes and goes back to watching the film...

Now that I think about it, Hurricane Ken is the only person offhand who expects me to learn classic movies. And it's not just because he now looks and sounds like Jack Benny, though I'm sure that doesn't hurt. 

Alright you mugs, I gotta get back to work and to watching Ladykiller...again.

I Can Has Drawings?!

Hey LOOK!

I actually managed to turn on my home computer and upload some crap!

WOOHOO!

I was poking around my piles o' paper in the art room earlier this week looking for efx and timing notes from last year's funfest when I found a pile o' drawings that had been taped to my office door while I was experiencing the joys of being a New Director. Here's a small sampling:


I actually don't remember what the hell this was for, but she's kinda hot:





















It looks like it was a birthday card or something. Uh, I wonder if it turned out OK.



My feelings one particular Friday afternoon:






















That didn't happen too often, as I was usually too busy to be bored. Same thing this year...whatever adjectives I could use to describe this year's experience, "boring" wouldn't be anywhere near the top.


I found a bunch of other drawings too, but knowing how ridiculously slow I am about posting new stuff, I'd better parcel it out slowly.

My layoff date is in two weeks. I'm actually happy about it.

Especially now that the weather's turned hot as f&*%^ again...I won't want to travel east of the 405 freeway for anything other than a drinking emergency for the next few months.


But I won't be able to be a beach bum yet...there's still this game:





















VIP's already sold out, and there's less than 200 General Admission tix left. It's gonna be a helluva game.


I still have 7 lbs. of Overweightness to get rid of. Life is conspiring against me by supplying me with friends who serve good food.

Dammit.

Passed Over, Passed Out

Thank gawd Passover only happens once a year.

I say that every year, as does the Dear Husband. Probably most Jews say the same thing too.

However, the DH's family is the only one we know personally who do TWO nights of the Seder. 

For those that don't know, Passover is a telling of how the Jews escaped from Egypt Back in the Day. Most Jews do a 20 minute ceremony hitting the highlights and then get to eating for the evening, cheerfully giving thanks to the Kick@$$ Lord Above for smiting the Egyptians with one helluva Pimp Hand.

Not the DH's family.

They invite too many people to sit comfortably around the table. They do all the prayers. The incredibly off-key singing that sounds like a funeral dirge on quaaludes. The asking, Why is this night different from all other nights? The long retelling with the fuzzy logic math and trickle-down theories on just how many damn plagues hit the Egyptians before they were persuaded to let the Jews run along.

And that's before the food.

It usually takes 30-45 minutes of this stuff before we get to stuffing our faces. The stuffing-of-faces is also ridiculous. 

Hard-boiled eggs, chopped liver, gefilte fish, brisket, turkey, kugel, pickles, mazto,  cranberry sauce, matzo ball soup, veggies that were stock for the matzo ball soup, macaroons, and whatever other desserts that are kosher for Passover pile up on everyone's plates. Diets are not allowed.

Again, all this for TWO DAMN NIGHTS.

The only saving grace for the DH and I is that there's wine involved. Four glasses of wine, to be exact. Most Jews take a dainty sip at each point in the ceremony where they're supposed to drink. Not us. We ride our bicycles over to his parents' house just so that we take FULL advantage of those four glasses of wine. Being buzzed definitely helps us get through the ceremony without much pain. Or cohesion, for that matter.

DH's dad came from a line of men who feel that whatever temple they belong to isn't religiously strict enough, and he maintains that viewpoint with the two-night rule. The alleged original reason a family would have two nights of this ridiculous stuffing-of-faces is for the married children; they'd be able to go to each set of parents' house for Passover. Not applicable to DH and his sister, as they each married non-Jews, so they each show up to their parents' house for both nights.

The real reason?

DH's cooks an obscene amount of food and she wants to make sure we all eat it instead of her. 

Dammit.

However, a new wrinkle and potential savior for us may be in the making...

Usually during the 30-45 minutes of pre-eating ceremony, DH's mom sneaks off to the kitchen to "make sure the food's ready".  DH's bro-in-law caught on to that trick and started going in to "assist" starting about five years ago, leaving the rest of us to ponder the real smiting capabilities of the plagues that hit the Egyptians with DH's dad reciting Hebrew.

This year, DH's dad started bringing the hammer down by demanding that DH's mom and bro-in-law stay in their seats the entire ceremony. That put a damper on their fun (which is fine by the rest of us, since now we're all in the same miserable boat together).

So now DH's mom is saying, I'm not going to do Passover here at the house anymore. I'm eighty-one years old and that's too damn old to keep doing this. You'll have to figure out where you're going to go for the Seder next year. 

I think the natural assumption on DH's mom's part was that the DH's sister would take over Seder duty. 

That's a big negatory on that assumption, apparently.

Our response?

WE'RE OFF THE HOOK!!!!!!!

Which of course is NOT the response DH's parents are looking for. But DH's mom gave DH the recipe for her brisket. It's damn good brisket, too...giving up the recipe means DH's mom is more serious about not doing the Seder than we had previously thought.

Whoa.

She'll probably change her mind by next year, but in the meantime I'm going to dream of not having to strictly diet for a week after the Seder to lose the six damn pounds I've still to shake to get back down to fighting weight.

Seeing family is fine, but the ceremony needs to go.

O Hai!

This week is going better than last.

Work is still busy, but I keep reminding myself that I have only three weeks left and that helps my sanity stay in check.

Whatever sickness I got is still manifesting itself in the form of solid chunks of green ick that I keep hoarking up from my lungs. Taking cough medicine is fine for night time when I need to sleep through the night, but I think I gotta lay off the stuff during the day so that I don't drown. I keep getting headaches from coughing so much. 

Mmmmm, tasty!

Derby drama: a little more calm than last week, though things are gonna be touch-and-go for awhile. I just hope to get in as much skating as I can before my body finally gives out.

Speaking of, the May 3 game against San Diego is gonna sell out. VIP tickets are already gone. 

Another speaking of, LA's gonna host a tournament in late June. Keep your calendars open, 'cos it's gonna be amazing, historic amongst DIY leagues, and just fun as f^&!

Some day I hope to bother to turn on the home computer and scan in some of the doodles I've been scribbling so that this blog isn't so damn boring.

Worst Week Evarrrrrrrrrrrr

In February I posted about having a sh!tty week.

I retract that.

THIS week was a sh!tty week.

OK, actually, in the big picture of life, I shouldn't b!tch. I wasn't in any accidents, my house didn't fall down, my cats haven't been kidnapped to be used in any satanic sacrifices, and the husband hasn't left me for a militant lesbian with a faux-hawk and mustache who would use him to impregnate her with the Anti-Christ.

But I did get sick... again.

Work got flipped upside down and EVERYTHING was redrawn (approximately 800 2-panel storyboard pages) in four days.

I've been flaky about meeting Mudsock and other old friends for lunch because of the sh!tty work schedule.

Derby drama reared its very ugly head and I ended up screaming on the phone to the owner of the league while high on cough syrup and struggling to finish my work drawings.

I had gained 10 pounds in the course of a week and a half due to the stress-eating because of derby and a tense work situation.

This weekend is Passover, so losing that weight isn't gonna happen for another week.

My team captain fractured her shoulder last week. The bad: she's a member of the All-Star team which is scheduled to play our sister league from San Diego on May 3. She now can't play that game due to the fracture.

Guess who's now in?

Little Miss Alternate: ME.

The good? Umm...I don't know, as I'm not happy about the circumstances leading me to be in the game.

However, there are some bright sides:

My current job ends in about three weeks. I can't freakin' wait.

Because of my being sick this week, my body was finally able to get some rest, and is now ready to get punished in preparation for the May 3 game against San Diego.

I have drawings to scan in and build in Illustrator.

And hey, Scooby was found to be part of Roxy Cotton's amazing butt bruise:
















Thanks to Uccellina's Very Busy Husband for the photo!

Tired and Sore

Another game, another loss.

However, I apparently threw enough hits to get some fun responses from non-skating skaters after the game. Something along the lines of, "HOLY F&^&*!!!!!!! YOU WERE PISSED!!!!"

Yeah, I may have been.

As an added bonus, I DIDN'T GET KICKED OUT OF THE GAME.

AT ALL!!!!

Miracles DO happen!


Here's me throwing an illegal-looking block on Laguna Beyatch:
















Doing the hippy-hippy shake:






















Trying to save jammer Crystal Deth from Krissy Krash(or, as some of us call her, "Paula Bunyan"):

Remember how I got thrown out of last month's game against the Sirens before halftime? I deserve it after seeing a photo of the aftermath of the major penalty that got me ejected:


















That's Roxy Cotton's ass five days after I sent her flying.

DAYUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm apparently effective when I want to be.

Cases Online

Remember when I was blathering about the cases I did pin-ups for, and how they weren't available on the company's website for awhile?

Well, NOW THEY ARE!

Check 'em out!

Buy one, or collect the whole set!

Drawdrawdraw

Too busy to make a real post, so here's another update on that freak o' nature: Beavis.

Guitarist's Best Friend

Date: Thursday, March 27.

Location: Silverlake in Los Angeles, CA

Venue: Spaceland.

Reason: to see my favorite band, the Datsuns.

Who the hell are the Datsuns? You may be asking yourself.They're only the bestest band that's ever come out of New Zealand. I first heard of them over four years ago when I was working in Texas. One night when the husband was visiting, we went to a bar called the Doublewide just outside of the infamous Deep Ellum district in downtown Dallas. In case you can't figure it out by the name alone, the bar's theme was that of a white trash double-wide trailer. The exterior featured a metal "tornado" on the roof. The interior included treasures such as plastic-covered furniture, velvet paintings, cheap Brady Bunch wood paneling on the walls, cheap beer, and the best damn jukebox EVER.

That's where we found them, those wily little Datsuns.

Their debut self-titled album was on said jukebox, and the appeal was immediate just based on song titles alone such as Harmonic Generator (one of my all-time fave songs all around) and MF from Hell. We played those two selections and were hooked.

Fast forward almost a year later, after I'd joined the Derby Dolls.

The Dolls were asked to take part in a video for the Datsuns' followup album. HELL YEAH! we replied. So in one night, a small film crew, an incredible caterer, and the Datsuns showed up to our rooftop track for a marathon 14-hour-or-thereabouts shoot for their song, Girl's Best Friend:





Didja see me?!?! I knocked the drummer off his seat in the middle of the video.

The best part about that was when the shot was set up, he didn't know that he was going to be knocked to the ground. Neither did the rest of the band. Or the rest of the crew outside of the camera dude and director. Neither did the Derby Dolls. So me and another skater, Molly Hatchett, skated around the track a couple of times and then shot off into the infield and straight for the drummer. Knocked him off, and all three of us rolled to the ground. The rest of the band turned around IN SHOCK. The Derby Dolls started cheering. The drummer popped up off the ground very angrily. The director had some 'splaining to do. But everything was smoothed over quickly and we got back to business.


It was hellishly fun...one of the best "media" exposures I've personally taken part of. The crew was friendly, the catering spectacular, and the band got a literal crash course in what roller derby, since they didn't have such activities in Kiwiland at the time. They even tried to skate:




They don't come to LA very often, so when they do, we make it a point to see them. So we braved the crapacious parking situation that is Silverlake and slammed down a Sparks to get us in the mood for the evening. The two opening bands were good, so that continued to keep our spirits up.

Then, they started their set. Here's the lead guitarist, Christian:




















There's a face somewhere under all that hair.

Didn't get very good photos of Dolf, the bassist/lead singer, or Ben, the drummer.

Then there's Phil:




















Phil's always been very approachable and is cute as a button. My favorite conversation with him was at the Rainbow Room on Sunset Blvd. in the parking lot several years ago where he kept poking me in the chest and saying that he could kick my @$$ while wearing roller skates (problem: he can't roller skate). Awwwwwww!


Hey, waitaminute, what's that on Phil's arm?!
















A tattoo?

He's not the tattoo type.

No...

What the...?!




















HA!

I got my grubby little mitts on him during the opening band's set. The conversation went something like this:

Phil(walks up to Red Diabla and gives a hug): Hi!

Red Diabla(hugs Phil back, takes out an earplug out of one ear to attempt conversing while very loud opening band is playing): HI!

Phil: How's it going?

RD: Great! Busy as f***! Can I draw on you?

Phil: What?!?!?!?!

RD: Draw on you. Can I?

Phil: Uhhhhh...

RD: (smiles evilly)

Phil: What are you gonna draw on me?

RD: Gimme something to draw on and you'll find out!

Phil: (sheepishly pushes sweater sleeve out of the way while muttering incoherently)

RD: (pulls out pile of Sharpies) Hold still!

After about five minutes of RD trying to draw in the dark, doodle is complete.

Phil: What is it?

RD: It's a devil chick!

Phil: Oh! Cool!

Husband takes pix of doodle for Phil, but neglects to take pix of doodle AND Phil. He shows Phil the doodle. Phil smiles.

Phil: I'm gonna go show everyone else now!

RD: OK!

Phil wanders off, looking a little dazed and confused, as if he'd just been tagged by Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

After the really good show we said goodbye to Phil. The doodle got some sweat damage, but it was still readable. Phil gave a hug and a smooch on the cheek, and wandered off again.

Cute little booger.

BusyBusyBusy

Work schedule: crazy.

Derby schedule: crazy.

Art schedule: crazy.

Life schedule: crazy.

Lookit what I'm doing for the Derby Dolls right now:

Hastily Done

I haven't had time to sort through photos from last Saturday's game, but here's some stuff that's almost related to this blog.

OG Derby Doll Juana Beat'n getting tatt'd by me at the afterparty:

















Ready for her closeup:
















The finished product:
















It says, "O.G. Badass", 'cos that's what she is. And she's hot!!!



Here's Hurricaine Ken's arm:






















You can't see in the photo above where I tagged his shirt with a doodle for his Redhead. It appropriately says, "Redheads R Trouble". When he brought the shirt home and washed it, the doodle faded in the wash. The Redhead decided to not let the doodle fade further by stitching it in place:






















Isn't that a little slice o' awesome?!

Here's a great review of the game from losanjealous. DF, the dude who reviews our bouts, is a pretty cool guy. And I'm not just saying that because he thinks it's neat that I look like I eat jammers during games. Well, alright, maybe I am.

Also, the Derby Dolls are in People magazine that has JLo and her new kids on the cover. Page 22. We're gonna be in for a busy year.

Tumultuous Weekend

Heck, more of a tumultuous month.

Whatever.

My scanner's unplugged so I can't scan any doodles. Lucky for you.

Bleh.

Last week my buddy "Hurricane" Ken was visiting in LA-LA Land and he came by the ol' workplace for lunch. Hilarity quickly ensued when he brought a STACK of dvd's with him that include what he calls, The Cinematic Offenses of Humphrey Bogart. He ain't kiddin'. Go watch titles such as, Swing Your Lady and The Return of Dr. X and you'll see what Ken's talking about. Just. Staggering. Luckily he also threw in some really cool stuff like The African Queen and James Cagney's Ladykiller to cleanse the movie-watching palate.

Ken and I are easily the loudest people on the planet. Within minutes of him finding my office, we had the PA come by and tell us that she could hear us all the way across the building. Good thing we're funny, or else that would be really annoying!

We went to the main lot and wandered around and I got a quick tour of cool movie sites: "Oh LOOK! This is where James Cagney proposed to Ann Sheridan in Backstage! This is where the Dead End kids were hanging with Bogart! Here's where the Nazis were hiding in Brooklyn!!!!!!!!"

In a studio system that generally doesn't care about its movie-making past, it's cool to have friends who care about that stuff.

Back at the Ranch, we stopped by one of the story rooms to say hi to everyone, and Ken just took over. It was amazing to see the other guys just sit in slack-jawed awe of Ken's louder-than-life personality, hence my now calling him Hurricane Ken. He just takes over and slams everyone down if they're not ready! I had fun sitting back and watching.



Last night was another Derby Dolls game. Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Ellen Page were in attendance.

My team played.

And lost.

Again.

I didn't help matters by getting kicked out of the game BEFORE HALFTIME.

How did you manage that, O genius with a "J"? you may be asking yourself.

Well, an accumulation of arms penalties and a big fat blatant knocking-the-opposing-jammer-on-her-@$ move as the end-of-the-jam whistle was blowing got me thrown outta there faster than Indian food going through a caucasian's digestive system.

The crowd LOVED it.

My team HATES me. Well, at least my captain does. Rightfully so, I suppose.

I haven't been feelin' good derby mojo the past couple of months due to the endless knee pain, and it's affected my playing a LOT. So much so, that I thought that I wasn't of much use to the team. That's not to say that I intentionally pulled enough penalties to get thrown out of the game, because that's not the case. But I did totally underestimate how much my getting kicked out would mentally affect the team. Apparently the captain had some major damage control to do during halftime. The team came back and did damn good, I thought.

I got a LOT of people coming up to me during and after the rest of the game who were all excited about my getting kicked out, my team, roller derby, etc. As much as I short-changed the team, we gots some more fans out of it, surprisingly enough. Everyone always loves a villain was the husband's response.

So I gotta refocus my efforts on the team and stop being such a jack@$. We're playing next month on April 12. Come and see if I challenge Tough Cookies' captain Iron Maiven running streak of getting kicked out of three games IN A ROW, or if I manage to get my sh!t together and play an entire game without getting into too much trouble.

You Don't Love Me

Or you find this blog hideously boring.

Who would've thunk that a post about some guy getting a tattoo of a Thalidomide-handed derby girl drawn by a drunk jerkface in Vegas wouldn't elicit a single comment?

While I ponder that, go read the latest on Beavis.

THE RUMORS WERE TRUE!

Last year at Rollercon I did a ridiculous amount of sharpie tattoos. There were drunken mumblings from some folk about getting the ink done for realz. Luckily for them, the nearest tattoo shop to Rollercon HQ, Vince Neil's place, was closed when I was really hitting my stride in the middle of the night each night I held court in the mai tai bar.

HOWEVER...

There were persistent rumors after the dust settled about someone getting one of my doodles done as a tatt. I went on MySpace and the roller derby message boards asking for confirmation, but my inbox on that particular subject was empty.

Until yesterday.

One of the girls I met at the Blood & Thunder camp gave me a link to a tattoo artist's website in the midwest, and lo and behold, this is what I found:
























HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a natural first reaction, right?

Two reasons for the reaction:

1) it's always mind-blowing when someone gets one's artwork permanently tattoo'd on their person.

2)just how drunk was I at the time when that drawing was scribbled on his person? I'm never that good at drawing hands when I'm at the top of my game, but jeeeezus, look at those thalidomide paws she has!

Whoa.

This year I need to spend some real time drawing hands. And backs. And, uh, everything.

Blood and Thunder pix

Here's a small sampling of photos taken at the Blood & Thunder boot camp in San Diego.


Me tagging AZRD's Ivanna S. Pankin:
















Duke City's(Albuquerque)Miss E. Vil and...uh...someone else with matching boob jobs:

















Me with Miss Fortune in my lap. She has a chest doodle, you just can't see it. This photo cracks me up because of the uncharacteristic smile on my mug:
















Miss E Vil's drawing-in-progress with Angel City's Estrojen conversating:

















I'm in total work and derby overload right now. It's good and bad at the same time, but overall I'm not having too much fun with any of it. Sigh.

Get This Stuck in Your Head!

I has a song, thanks to the producer/writer/sometimes director of the Famous Dog dvd that I'm working on:





















I was in tears from laughing so hard when he sung this to me over the phone for the first time.

In other hilarity, I give you:

Garfield minus Garfield

Which made me giggle like Renfield in the office(which is messed up, btw. My old office is currently unused, yet I'm in Action Boy's old office. I'm peeved. I have to go do my Action Boy imitation every few hours to reset the damn thermostat in my old office when I could just BE in my old office and not deal with either sweltering heat or freezing arctic breezes with the periodical trot to the thermostat to mutter incoherently and push the damn buttons until the air conditioner kicks on. Goddam big corporations SUCK. Crap.).

And lastly:

Ups and Downs

After my bitchfest last week on this-here blog, I drove off to San Diego with cough medicines and skates in hand to take part in the Blood & Thunder Roller Derby Camp. Over 100 skaters showed up from around the country and even Canada to get some helpful tips and trips when it comes to playing roller derby. I was one of about seven coaches that led classes in everything from basic skating form to blocking(my first specialty) to off-skates cross-training to introducing the banked track to the overwhelmingly flat track brethren(my third specialty). This was like a mini-Rollercon, minus the big parties.

I have to admit that I dreaded going, based on the timing with my new job starting and all, but I ended up having fun.

Yeah, shocking.

The main highlight of the weekend was a game between skaters from the Blood & Thunder camp going up against the San Diego Derby Dolls. Note: the B&T team was chosen Thursday night. San Diego's been skating together for a couple of years. The result of the game? The B&T team won...something like 120-79 after two 20 minute periods.

WOW.

It's all in the attitude and teamwork, not necessarily the skills.

At the afterparty I pulled out the Sharpies and started drawing on everyone in sight(my second specialty). I forget how many people I tagged, but derby photographer-extraordinaire Boss Hogg got photos of just about all of them. He got some funny photos of one of the skaters who got her chest drawn on by moi and then she insisted on sitting in my lap afterwards. Too bad I'm not gay...

A funny moment happened when several of the skaters came up to me after I escaped Sharpie duty and complimented me on my classes. They then told me that they learned so much not because I was such a calm, patient teacher, but that I had such a crazy look in my eye that they figured that they'd better pick up what I was putting down REALLY fast before I hit them.

Uh...thanks?!

But you know what? I actually think everyone liked me in the end. I even texted as such to several people on my way home. Well, I texted, "Chicks dig me!" The husband texted back, "Stop the presses!"

Sarcasm, anyone?

I even challenged the ever-adorable Raf to a chick magnet contest. Him, me, a pile of Sharpies, and a line of women.

I just might win, even though his hair is longer than mine.


Here's the last of the Famous Dead Dog Doodles:















You get The Shining reference, right?!

Last summer I had control of the office temperature of all the sequence directors because I had the thermostat for said offices in my office. That would be great, if the temperature for all three offices were the same. They weren't. The system is cheap, and the thermostat's reach wasn't very far. Which resulted in my office being an arctic zone while the other two directors sweltered in tropical office hell despite me putting the temperature to as low as it would go, and I'd wear a hoodie while drawing despite outside temperatures rising into the 90's.

Every couple of days Action Boy would wander in and mutter something about how stuffy his office was and would start fiddling with the thermostat for all three offices. I reminded him that a) it's already at the lowest setting and b) I was already freezing my tuchus off, and would demonstrate it by placing my corpse-cold hand on his person. He'd flinch and leave, after more mutterings. So this drawing was left for him my last week on the job.

Such the comedian, am I.

My comeuppance is that now I'm in Action Boy's old office. Ay, carumba!

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Bad Week

There's nothing like starting a new job!

It's even better when one has a Cold from Hell!

It's double-even better when one has a BIG script, and a small schedule!

It's triple-double-even better when one has seemingly constant roller derby practice!

It's quadruply-doubly-extraordinarily even better when one has to coach at a roller derby camp the same week they start the new job.

It's super-fantastically-ginormously even betterer when my cold is making me so cranky that the husband won't talk to me.

Yeah, good times!

To illustrate how crappy I'm feeling, I'm posting this:























TOLD YA!

Got Sage?

Another weekend full o' derby crap.

Saturday was a game between the Sirens and Tough Cookies.

I thought that the Sirens would've wiped the track with the Cookies, but in the last three jams of the game the Cookies took the lead and actually won. Impressive skating by both teams, almost all of the Sirens jammers got kicked out of the game for penalties, and the guy who loaned the league money for our current space tried to be a macho sh!thead to Drew Barrymore. Yeah, he thought he could tell Drew freakin' Barrymore where to sit in the VIP stands. The Drew Barrymore who's making a movie about a girl who joins an all-girl roller derby league. Who was thinking about filming at least some of it at our track. I don't know if he screwed the pooch for us on that potential deal. Jerkface.

AAAAAAAND, before the game, the friendly neighborhood homeless couple that camps outside of our warehouse reported to us that there was a dead goat dumped behind the warehouse.

A dead DECAPITATED goat.

An investigation was launched, and a couple of Dolls took a walk around the property on Dead Goat Patrol. Unfortunately, they did indeed find a plastic tarp with a fuzzy tail sticking out from underneath it.

A call to Animal Control brought the reply of, "Call Sanitation".

A call to Sanitation brought the reply of, "Too bad. We're not in."

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!

Sorry. We'll pick up the goat this week.

So the Dolls had to go out with shovels and heave the goat's carcass into a trash can, and then dragged the can back to the parking lot, wrapped the can with a buttload of Caution tape, and supposedly Sanitation will come by on Tuesday to pick up the goat.

That's so damn disturbing, it's seriously creeping out the majority of the league. I'm considering bringing some sage to the spot where the goat was found and do a little smudging.

On a happier note, here's the intro that was played before the game on Saturday. It's rad:

HOORAY!!

Hay!

Puss n' Boots is FINALLY done!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOO!

Enjoy her nekkidness:

Producers need a sense of humor...

At the Annie Awards last week(an event I've vowed never to attend unless I get nominated for something...which means I'll be saving myself time, money, and a dress 'cos I don't get nominated for anything in animationland), the voice cast from Spongebob Squarepants made a little video that you can see here.

On Cartoon Brew, they had a YouTube copy of it, but were asked to take it down. Jeezus, why? Because it's FUNNY?! Probably because of copyright infringement or some stoopid thing like that.

Damn suits need a real sense of humor.

Pow!

You can tell that this drawing was done near the end of my oh-my-gosh-I'm-a-sequence-director-for-the-first-time experience:
















I was quite the stressbucket by the end of the production. Action Boy was disgusted by the flying snot, but thought the overall idea was "cute".

Sicko.


This weekend is the husband's 50th Birthday.

Nope, I'm not a necrophiliac, that's just my husband! Ahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!

Uh...

Anyway, we're having a partay for him. We've invited everyone we know in town. We've cleaned up the back yard, bought some food, and even swept up some of the dustbunnies. It should be fun. Cold, but fun. At least it won't rain.

And speaking of fun and sequence directing, I'll be doing it again in two weeks. I'm not quite as freaked out this go-around as last time, but the stress level is definitely going up. I won't be babysat like I was last time...I'll actually have to know stuff this time! CRAP!

Moar Team Fervor

This is what I've been working on for the past couple of weeks:




















New shirt design for my team. Yay, Fight Crew!

Whatchoo think?

Bleh

Yesterday sucked.

Not only did Beavis annoy the living beejeezus out of me, but when I went to the beach to work off some of the aggression, I messed up my knee AGAIN by swerving in sand on the bicycle to avoid pedestrians on the bike path.

Greeeeeeeeeeeat.

Anyway, while I'm in this funk, have a gander at another stupid-@$$ doodle:

SCUMBAG!

Beavis, the Idiocracy-in-action neighbor across the street, pulled another stunt last night.

Read about it here.

If anyone knows how to get back at this scumbag legally, I'd love to hear about it.

I'm Tired

My team did great on Saturday.

We lost the game, but won the fight, as far as I'm concerned.

We started with 12 skaters. We ended with five.

FIVE SKATERS.

And the point spread?

SEVEN POINTS.

The Tough Cookies should've been able to slaughter us, as they started with 13 skaters and only lost two(both were kicked out due to penalties, btw) through the course of the game. But nooooooooooo..they couldn't.

MY TEAM ROCKS.





















My personal highlights in my mind include me hitting just about every damn Tough Cookie in sight except for newest member Krissy Krash. I found out later she was purposely avoiding me. There was also a jam where I knocked down jammer Laguna Beyatch at least 3 times in a single jam.

During the first half of the game I wreaked havoc in the pack, but let their jammers get through too much. Out of Fight Crew's three jammers, we lost two of them due to injury before halftime. We were down by about 15 points by halftime. We had to seriously rework our lineups and strategies.

The second half of the game was crazy. They didn't score AT ALL during the third quarter. By the fourth quarter I was on the verge of getting kicked out of the game...AGAIN. Captain Myna Threat came up to me at the last jam, pointed her finger in my face and bellowed, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE THROWN OUT OF THE GAME. DO NOT PULL ANY MAJOR PENALTIES ON THE LAST JAM. DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I didn't.

Yay, me!

The Rock of Love 2 episode was HILARIOUS. If you missed it last night, it'll be repeated ad nauseam all week.



Another Famous Dead Dog doodle:





















I came up with this idea early on in my Action Boy dealings, but waited to actually use it until after the asploding-face doodle. His reaction was, Nice vase!

Stroller Derby

A preview of "Rock of Love II", where I do nothing, but the clip is funny:

Can You Spot the Angry Redhead?

Here's a couple of YouTube clips for your enjoyment:

There are a couple of really clear shots of me messing people up:





I'm just skatin' like a moron in this one:




Woohoo!

"You People Know Some Interesting People"

Today I got a rare email from uber-smart and uber-talented Ken Cope. He's an old friend whom the husband and I have known for a long time. Once upon a time he worked for Disney, but he has since found a hot babe, got married, moved to northern California, had a couple of kids, and adopted a much calmer, happier life up there.

Ken also knows interesting people...or so he's told. The guy who runs the blog, PZ Myers, is pretty damn interesting from the skimming I've done this morning. Has relevant science posts, likes squids and has posts about lolcats and evolution? Can you really top that?!

I don't think so!

To add some possible serendippity-do, I was reading one of the very few motorcycle newsgroups that I find worthwhile, to see a post about the same blog entry from a biker friend in Florida. His post went something like this:

I was merrily reading a biology/atheism/cephalopod blog (no, don't think
about that, it'll just hurt your head) when I spied some artwork I
thought I recognized.

The blog entry talked about Roller Derby and toilet seat art and I was
pretty sure I knew who he was talking about. But then, when he
mentioned a trophy for the most penalties in a single season I knew.
Our demure little West Coast redhead, The Red-Haired She Devil is now
famous across the BlogoSphere!

Links from one of the most popular science blogs on the Net to her own
blog. Very cool.

And to think we knew her when...

So I guess I'm finally hanging with the cool kids now!

Now I know why I'm all of the sudden getting more friend requests on MySpace.

Hot Girls allllllll Weekend!

Saturday's gonna be interesting.

Our season opener is happening...both teams playing have some skaters down, and that'll make the game more brutal than usual. Me? I have a hurt knee, but I'm skating anyway. I'll probably get kicked out again, knowing my luck!

Are you in LA? Are you going?

You'd better, if you know what's good for you.

Check out the rad poster art by Jordan Crane:




















If that isn't enough to entice you, we're gonna have the Hotdog on a Stick truck there. That's right, girls in ugly uniforms will be pounding lemons into lemonade for your pleasure. Hopefully they won't have mustaches like this lovely lass:





















OK, so you're not in LA, or you're too chickenshit to go watch hot girls skate or make corndogs. Fine. Just remember to watch Rock of Love II on VH1 this Sunday. Got it? THIS SUNDAY. 'Cos that's the episode that I'm on. Skating and shaking a baby.

Yep. You read that right.