I remember back when I started derby a million years ago, the coach would tell us that we wouldn't be playing long enough to benefit financially from it. What he didn't tell us was that this applies to other aspects of DIY derby as well.
It's still disappointing that I didn't make the Ri-Ettes this year. The sting wouldn't be bad if the Aftershockers still existed, but they don't. I'm not considered to be anything useful to the team in any capacity this season. Didn't get anything resembling a "thanks" for the bullshit I went through last season for the team, and am not considered good enough for jobs including team managing and such. I'm not the only now-former Ri-Ette who feels tossed aside; another veteran skater actually quit skating on any team after she didn't make the roster. There were a couple of other aspects going on that may have contributed, but the final straw was tryouts.
OK, fine. I take a deep breath, get up, dust myself off, and keep going. Don't focus on the negative, try to stay positive.
Before the holidays Training Team asked for candidates to train at the upcoming March RADness camp. So I applied as I had a fun time training last year, especially the How To Do Fun Stuff On the Banked Track class. Today I find out I'm not even considered good enough for that. Really?! REALLY?!?!?! I'm not qualified to teach skaters how to flip over the fucking rail or how to do Tarametrics!??!?!?! That fucking pisses me off.
I know time marches on. I know that things change. But I'm not completely fucking useless, either. I feel that I'm now seen as worthless within my own fucking league, and I empathize with the skater who just quit, because I imagine she felt the same way. Why bother?! I feel like I'm working so hard and am losing ground, as well as what little respect I may have had in the past.
Or did I? Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm the Rodney Dangerfield of the league. It would sure as shit explain a lot lately. It's not as if I'm expecting a parade, or rose petals thrown at my feet every time I grace the track with my presence. But damn, I certainly feel that I'm on the receiving end of Familiarity Breeds Contempt.
So far I'm unimpressed with 2011. Especially in regards to derby. I may have reached my breaking point...or my derby break-up point. I hope the trip to London and Amsterdam I'm taking next week will revitalize me overall...I fucking need it.