Saturday, January 08, 2011

The Wind Out of My Sails

Today was the 2011 Ri-Ettes tryouts. I tried out.

And failed to make the roster.

Yeah, really.

To say I'm disappointed doesn't cover it. But I'm more frustrated than anything, mainly with myself and how I handled myself today. Because I think overall I defeated myself.


Well, first off, I feel like crap. As in, I've been constantly dizzy for the past 36 hours. This has been a very recent thing, as it happened over the weekend too, but that time involved heavy drinking, so I figured I was experiencing severe dehydration. After a couple days of recovery where everything went back to normal, I had one glass of wine Thursday night. Friday morning I found myself waking up to the same dizziness I had over the weekend, and it's still with me despite me drinking an insane amount of water and generally trying to take it easy.

Ever try skating when you can barely stand upright? I don't suggest it. Don't try skating in a circle when dizzy, either. Another thing to not do? Skate in a circle on a banked track while dizzy. Last but not least, don't skate in a circle on a banked track while other people are constantly trying to hit you while dizzy. I especially don't suggest it when travel team tryouts are happening.

The problem for me came to whether to say anything to the judges panel about this before tryouts. On one hand, it may have been good for them to know that if I played like shit, there's a reason why. On the other hand, it may have come across as an excuse, and the judges' reaction may have been, I don't want to hear excuses, I want to see you play derby.

I went with the Suck It Up attitude, and now I'm screwed. The ironic thing is, the Suck It Up attitude is one that I played a part in instilling over the years through training the league and various tryouts for stuff, mainly Subpool. Look where that got me!

So that's how I defeated myself, and that's how the 2010 Ri-Ettes team captain is now not even on the roster for the 2011 Ri-Ettes. 

Maybe I'll write a letter to the captains explaining my situation anyway to see what happens. Maybe they'd reconsider. Maybe I'd be considered for the team in June when there should allegedly be a reevaluation of the team. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I have to focus on other things besides the travel team. Maybe I could drive myself insane with the "maybes".

After the mental stress of the day job, the ankle injury in October, the not skating outside enough during hiatus and now this, the wind is definitely being taken out of my derby sails.


Daddy said...

Just remember, You're AWESOME! You're TARA FUCKING ARMOV for God's sake. And I still adore you! The first derby celebrity I met and still one of my absolute favorites!

Lara said...

You are an awesome and inspiring skater. It's such a bummer you didn't make the roster... sometimes great skaters don't make rosters and it can be super frustrating.
I will keep blowing hot air at you to help you fill your sails again.

rosy rocket said...

I reckon sometimes it's good to not get what you want. Maybe it's the universe's way of telling you there's something else amazing in your life that you're going to discover now you have a bit more attention to spare. Maybe you'll get a chance to be the awesome mentor and supporter to a newer chick who got the space on the team you left.

Lots of maybes, but they're all looking pretty good..

I had to take time off derby *all together* last year, and at first it hurt bad, but then I rediscovered a whole lotta things that derby hadn't left time or energy for. It was awesome! AND I still have derby, going back to ref this season and planning on kicking serious ass the next!