Sunday, May 31, 2009

Yet Moar Random Pix

As I frantically try to finish up on the latest round of freelance and get my GirlsDrawinGirls piece done by the end of this week, here's some more photos to amuse you, dear readers:

By overwhelming popular demand(OK, one person asked), I'm going to put together a process post on Miss June sometime next week. If the post bores you, I'll give you advance permission to give Hurricane Ken a buttload o' grief about it, as he's the "overwhelming popular demand".

Monday, May 25, 2009


Today is another post about FAIL.

I'm failing this weekend.

I'm still sick. This whateveritis that's been going around is kicking my ass. In a subtle manner. My ears feel like they're stuffed with cotton and I have a cough that gives me a constant headache. NOT FUN.

Fight Crew skated flat track in Bakersfield Saturday night. We were winning, then we lost. Not because we screwed up. Let's just say that I appreciate my league's refs a lot. I just hope that the rest of my team now appreciates them too. And yes, I skated while sick. And no, I didn't get kicked out of the game for penalties. Broadzilla did, though. Ha ha!

The afterparty failed, too. I was hanging out with the Tuscon Roller Derby's Iron Curtain (of course I LOVE this team...Soviet themes unite!!) in a dive bar across the street from the game venue when some little wannabee gangbanger did a drive-by boob grab on one of the Tuscon girls. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! She turned to me and said incredulously, Did that guy just grab my boob??! I stared at him and said, Yep. She just looked shocked. The twerp who did it was about to do it again to another group when I turned to his targets and said, THAT GUY IS BEING A DOUCHEBAG!!! HE JUST GRABBED SOMEONE'S BOOB! Then I turned to the Dear Husband and said, LET'S GO. NOW. We left abruptly. So did the Tuscon girls, leaving the rest of Fight Crew in our wake, wondering what the hell I was ranting about, since they didn't see the boob-grabbing incident happen.

We found out the next morning that after we left, one of my teammates had her purse stolen at the bar. The idiot who did it was lurking around, so he got confronted by the husband of one of my other teammates. Then the cops got called. To the credit of the local constabulary, they had a car there in about 2 minutes, and found my teammate's cash on the suspect, and found her credit cards and purse in a trash can. The only thing she actually lost was her phone, which is minor in comparison to the credit cards, etc.

A sideline of suck about this was that another league asked our league to play them on the same night as our game. That split attention and energy between the two games, and basically Fight Crew lost on that too. When the other teams have skated their flat track games, they got a LOT of support from the league in the form of fans at the game, mucho promotion for their game, encouraging emails, etc. Fight Crew? Not so much. Guess who's gonna ask that this kind of scheduling never happens again?!

In other fail...I have a buttload of work to do, and haven't been able to do much of it because of the aforementioned ick. This week is going to be ugly work-wise to catch up.

There's a buttload of housework to do. Guess who hasn't done it because of the buttload of work that's piling up? Yeah, FAIL.

Play me off, keyboard cat:

Here's a couple of pix from the Big One. Did I mention that LADD took third place out of eight leagues that played? Which is pretty good considering that we were seeded seventh and had no idea what the hell we were doing.

Me doing something fun to one of the Sacred City girls:

Me and Boss Hogg, who is one of derby's favorite photographers. He has EXCELLENT tastes in wardrobe:

I look crazed, as usual.

This morning has been a win/fail combo plate.

I've complained here and elsewhere about the hypershit dog next door who usually starts barking around 6:30 in the fucking a.m. which is an hour and a half before I usually wake up. Which means I have to nap in the afternoon or else I'll be a complete pile of FAIL for the rest of the day.

Now, it's not that I hate dogs. I don't. But they are in the same category as children. They need a lot of love and attention, and are usually the most charming to their owners, not everyone else. Hence, I don't have a dog or a child. I'm not only thinking of myself, I'm thinking of all of YOU, my dears. Thank me for it.

Anyway, the hypershit dog next door did his thing this morning. Of course, with me being sick, this just adds to the pile of FAIL I'm in the midst of experiencing. In the past, I've gone out to the back yard and yelled at the damn dog until the neighbors gather the little beast and take him inside. There's been a couple of occasions when he started in the middle of the night where I put on my bathrobe and stomped next door to pound on their front door. The dogs inside would start barking, but the neighbor wouldn't answer the door. Go figure.

Today I put on the bathrobe over my skeleton jammies(no, I'm not kidding)and stomped over in bare feet to the neighbors and pounded on the door. The neighbor lady actually came to the door and started apologizing profusely, saying that she brings the dog in as soon as he starts barking. I had to explain to her that a) waiting until he starts barking is already too late and b)it's consistently happening enough where it's really disturbing and having it happen so early is JUST NOT COOL.

I also told her that if it keeps happening, she's going to fix me some breakfast.

I think that'll stop the damn dog from waking me up in the future.

I hope.

Alright, back to work. Ugh.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

In Short...

  • I'm getting sick.

  • The neighbor's hypershithead dog woke me up this morning 2 HOURS before the alarm went off. Couldn't get back to sleep. Cranky as hell as a result. If that fucking dog didn't bark all goddam day, I'd be able to take a nap and catch up this afternoon.

  • Skated all weekend in the Big One tournament. I now have a painful-yet-impressive hip bruise. LA took third place. San Diego took first. That's gonna make a lot of flat track leagues sit up and take notice. Read my assholio blogcasting on Derby News Network.

  • Just started the Xmas episode of Freelance Hell. First the Halloween episode, now the Xmas episode. What's next? An Extra-Special Purim episode? And both of these holiday episodes have me drawing party sequences. If they ever met me, they'd slap their foreheads in disgust at the disparity.

  • Derby drama on the horizon. It could make the future derby terrain even more...interesting. Luckily I'm not the cause of it, so I'm just sitting back and giving advice when needed.

  • Did I mention that I needed a nap?

Friday, May 15, 2009


Derby drama upset my work flow this week, but I did manage to pull this out of my ass for the GirlsDrawinGirls calendar project. It's still in progress:

That round thing is the sun. That square thing is where the actual calendar part goes.

I'm stoked about the color, since I was able to fix it after looking through a couple of color theory books. At-home reference=results!

I gotta tweak the hell out of her before the end of the month. All while working on Xmas-themed freelance. Oh joy!!

Have you been feeling neglected when it comes to Redneck Theater updates? Satisfy yourself.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The "Creative" Process

I'm enjoying the week off from freelance.

However, I have to attack the growing list of non-work artwork that needs to be done by the end of the month. The post-it note on the corner of my computer monitor is mocking me with its list staying stagnant...nothing is getting crossed off and labeled as "done".

The outstanding one is the calendar girl I'm doing for GirlsDrawinGirls. I started on a high note because I found a previous doodle that I thought would look cute and appropriate for the specifications for doing a girl for the month of June. I started building her in Illustrator, and all was good.

Then I started adding color, and that's when I started losing my way.

Color has always been difficult for me to handle. I took enough art classes to know basic color theory, but I'm such a simpleton about it. And obvious. I use bright primary colors a lot. Subtlety is not my forte. I know, surprising. So as I started coloring my June girl, she became more and more boring and ordinary. So far she's a mid-brunette against a mid-blue background. BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!!!!! as the derby girls would scream. I need something more eye-catching, or more complimentary, or more unique or more...more.

Now I'm going through my color theory books to see if something piques my interest that will save my June girl. sigh. It doesn't help that I'm eating schnacks like there's no tomorrow...damn you, Trader Joe's and your tasty treats!!!!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Subtle as a Heart Attack

I'm a complete idiot.

Yeah, yeah, not exactly a newsflash, but here's the latest manifestation of said idiocy...

I ASSumed that the only skating-related folk that read this-here blog are from my league.


How did I find out otherwise? Well...

I took the Fight Crew thank you card I made for Coach Pauly to practice last night to have everyone sign. Captain Janis Choplin said that she's email me Pauly's address so that I could mail the card. Well, she didn't, and I happened to come across Pauly on Facebook this morning(I have a nasty addiction to's stoopid as hell but I'm on there ALL THE TIME...but I digress)and asked him for his mailing address. He then says, "So what's this about some card you made for me?"


Turns out that he has his name wired in to Google so that he knows when people mention him online. I thought I was "safe" since I didn't put in any keywords in my posts. Durrr durrrrr durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So I told him to act surprised when he gets the damn card in the mail.

My lack of sneakiness regarding the card made me realize that I've been hanging out with the Dear Husband and his family too much. I call it the Israeli Secret Service. It's based on a comedy routine some standup comedian guy did years ago about how the idea that the Israeli Secret Service could keep anything a secret was ludicrous.

Imagine your average New York Jewish mom or dad at the deli yelling at the counterguy: Is the fish fresh? THE FISH...IS IT FRESH?!?!?!?!

Apply that to a secret operative situation: Is the gun loaded? THE GUN...IS IT LOADED?!?!?!?!?

I've seen this type of thing happen with the DH and his family. The classic situation is when we're going somewhere of Important Social Networking Significance and he'll say to me beforehand, "Let me know if I say something stupid." During the course of the ISNS he'll say something stupid and I'll do the Typical Wife Nudge or Kick Under the Table. What does he do in response? "OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Israeli Secret Service.

For the DH's mom's birthday we went to the Olive Garden. DH's sister was talking about...something. I forget what, as I was trying to not pay attention. My sister started texting me in the middle of the droning. Now, my sister is sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME at the table. DH's sister is sitting across from us. We continue to text back and forth for a good 20 minutes before DH's sister figures out that something's up. "ARE YOU TEXTING ABOUT ME?!?!" she finally asks.

Of course not! we reply.

Yes, we lied.

Yep, Israeli Secret Service.

OK, let's look at some drawings, shall we?

I like this drawing. I'm afraid to clean it up, because I know I'll overwork it until it sucks so much ass, all I'll see is a sphincter:

A drawing that was based on one of my jammer photos. I was trying for an upshot angle on her. I'm not getting the feets very well:

A drawing based off looking at some flat track skaters. She's pretty badass, and I hope something comes of her. I tried doing a version where she's cleaned up and looks kinda comic book-y in style. It's...ok. Not fabulous. Not as good as this:

I always like my ruffruffruff drawings way better than my cleanup drawings. Argh. But I'm going to try to do something with this stuff. 'Cos I gotta do something in my life besides worry about where the next job is coming from!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Such a Card!

I finally got around to scanning in the final card I made for Fight Crew to send to Coach Pauly:

Not too crapacious, I guess!

Used a brush pen for the's a lot of fun! I need to play with brush pens in general more often...for some of the action-type stuff it'd work really well.

I gotta get off my ass and get ready for Comic Con in July. I need to make merch to sell. Small stuff, like magnets and the like. Cheap to make, easy to sell. Just like me! Ha ha, I'm such a card!

Here's a promo for the Ri-Ettes game this weekend:

Even though I'm listed as being on the roster, I'm not skating this particular game. Kinda bummed, but it's gonna be OK, as I'll be going to Austin for their Battle on the Bank tournament in June. As an alternate. Guh!

Alright, back to getting stuff done...

Monday, May 04, 2009


Yesterday I topped off a VERY busy week/weekend by announcing up in Bakersfield. It was a double-header and a long day of being witty yet informative for the audience. Luckily I had Suzy Snakeyes helping me out, which is great since she's had experience as a radio DJ.

Anyway, at halftime for the first game, the league invited kids out to the center of the rink and had a "dance off". Suzy and I were to judge. Of course neither of us knew about all this beforehand or else we would've been hiding in the bathroom or something while this was happening.

So I was standing like a redwood tree in a forest of writhing ground cover as the kids danced. One girl came up to me, holding her arms up. "You want me to pick you up?!" I ask incredulously. She nodded. I picked her up and told her that when she wanted to be let down to just let me know. Then I turned to the game photographers and yelled, YOU'D BETTER GET A PICTURE OF THIS COS IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN EVER AGAIN!!!!!

The result: