Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Guess Who's Coming to SXSW?

It's looking like the Derby Dolls will be making their way to Austin, TX in two weeks for our first inter-league bout against the Lonestar Rollergirls. Yes, those Rollergirls from tv. Am I excited? Yep. Am I stressed out? You betcha. We don't have firm hotel accomodations. We don't have firm air tickets. We haven't had many practices to get ready for this thing. We haven't gotten the rules from the Lonestar girls. We need uniforms.

Yeah yeah, a bunch of whining. Whatever.

Here's some more silliness...

The neighbor across the street has a very obnoxious son. The boy is about 31 years old and looks like a surfer. When we first moved into our house almost ten years ago, the boy would have his scumbag deadbeat friends over, and the scene reminded us of Beavis and Butthead, so we dubbed this boy Beavis due to his blondness. Beavis and his buddies had the immediately annoying habit of assuming that they could take up all of the street parking in front of our house. Why he couldn't park in front of his own damn house is beyond me, but he knew he was annoying so he kept doing it. The only times we'd get a respite from his annoying parking habits, his dumping his empty beer bottles on our lawn, hitting my car when drunkenly pulling out of his driveway during a late night booze-fest which he wouldn't ever acknowledge or apologize for, or his just being a general low-life was when he would either end up in jail for robbery or some such thing, or knock up an unsuspecting dumb girl and go play house for awhile until each baby momma would wise up and they'd split up.

As if his general demeanor wasn't enough, Beavis likes to get vehicles and park them at mommy and daddy's for entropy experiments. He has a work truck(he apparently learned welding through one of the jail programs, I do believe), an early-80's vintage uncool Cadillac, and another big ol' pick-em-up truck. Five weeks ago he parked the pick-em truck in front of our house, with not enough room for me to be able to park the lovely rental car I had at the time after the dear departure of my Grand Am. After three days I went outside to move the car so that the husband could get his car out to run some errands, I saw Beavis talking to his mom on their front porch, with his latest toddler child wandering around. I called over, "Hey Beavis(OK, I used his real name), could you move your truck so that I can park in front of my own house?" His response was typically white trash. He started yelling and cussing and generally throwing a temper tantrum about how he won't honor my request. Nothing says good parenting like screaming the f-word repeatedly in front of one's toddler, don't you think? We yelled back, he kept yelling and was generally a jackass. We left before I went bonkers on his prison-bound ass, and when we got back he had moved his truck a full foot so that I could barely park a small car in front of our house. What a giver!

Five weeks later. The pick-em up's still parked in front of our house. Beavis has either used his work truck or his friends for transportation. He had to get the piece-o-crap Caddy running so that he could use that for getting around after exhausting his friends' generosity, as his work truck died, too. In the meantime the pick-em up's battery died, he's left the passenger side window open just enough so that it's been tempting to drop something dead in there, but instead just rain has gotten in. It's also covered in bird crap. I'm able to park the new car in the small space left in front of the house, so the husband and I are watching this latest entropy experiment with growing amusement. It's been tempting to call parking enforcement to get the pick-em up towed, I'll admit it. However, I wouldn't put it past him to either strike back on our vehicles directly, or have one of his scumbag buddies do something charming and destructive.

Overall it's gotten to the point where I'm less ticked off and more amused that this moron is willing to put himself and everyone else around him out just to annoy the neighbors. Ha!

Here's an ugly doodle:


George said...

Have a good time in Austin. Unfortuately I won't be there, as I usually try to stay out of town during SXSW, and I'm working in Sacramento anyway.

Artz' Ribs on South Lamar has real good Bar-be-que.

Elliot said...

That Marilyn is a great sketch and also very THIN.

BixDog said...

Ohmygawd, this is exactly how we're raising Matt! Park where you wish, King of the World, the Earth is your ashtray!

But seriously. This punk's parents are idiot enablers. 31 years old?? WTF. Call the cops at every opportunity, until the oldsters get it into thier thickies that this aging monkey is destroying their property value. If they stand by while this 'kid' hurls insults at you (in front of a pup, no less), then you don't need to feel bad about making them uncomfortable. They're probably praying some nieghbor will take care of the Beavis problem for them at this point. Keep The Man on speeddial.
If that doesn't work, raw eggs cooked onto the hood of a pick-up never wash off... just sayin'...

btw, I like your doodle-- Looks like La Lohan after a coke bing w/ her stylist!

Uccellina said...

You could put Lulabelle in there. It might be a fitting end for her.

As lovely as Lulabelle is, by the way, I'm really relieved you put a new post up and got her off the top of the page. It was difficult to check your blog at work for a while, there.

RedDiabla said...

Thanks, George. I'll be sure to make room for good BBQ!

elliot - thanks. I didn't actually intend to draw Marilyn, but I was intending to draw her dress. Go figure!

bixdog - Yeah, Beavis' mom especially seems to suffer from the "But my son is WONDERFUL!" syndrome in the worst way. I'm still reticent on calling the cops, but we'll see.

uccellina - gosh, how could you say such horrible things about the only offspring I'm ever going to have! ;)