Things I Learned this Weekend

More things to add to my life's experiences:

• On a bicycle, it's just over 29 miles roundtrip from my house to the new Temple of the Dolls. It takes about an hour and a half to ride one way betwixt the two locations.

• Traffic on Beverly Blvd. east of La Brea will definitely take a few years off one's life if they're stoopid enough to ride a goddam bicycle through the area.

• Pink and sparkly nail polish holds up remarkably well despite the intense physical labor it takes to put up the banked track.

I now understand why women expect men who date them to pay for dinner: being a girl is difficult! Here's some examples:

• One must be a technical genius to figure out how to put on false eyelashes.

• High heels are the most insidious torture devices that are still legal.

• Wearing fishnets with said high heels adds an extra element of exquisite pain that really wears on the nerves as the fishnets dig into the balls of the feet.

• Wearing fishnets and high heels while trying to manoever down a flight of cobblestone stairs while carrying a bag of ice is a very, very stoopid thing for me to do. Even more stoopid than riding my bicycle to Silverlake.

• Ever wear a wig? Don't.

• Trying to add pink marabou feathers to a costume will result in whatever room this project was undertaken in to resemble the aftermath of a gay chicken exploding.

• Silver lame` will make one's hands sweat.

And on to Halloween:

• You know you have a good costume when people you hang out with all the time don't recognize you.

• It's very important to bring glue for touch-ups.

• If you're going to dress up as a specific character, act like you're that character while in costume.

• Rough Draft puts on a good party, even though the drinks were weak. Or my liver is strong. Hmmmmm.

• Party food makes my tummy very upset.

• Who knew that one would see not one, but TWO Barfs at the same party???

Hopefully Halloween night will be equally as fun!

But is it art?

I've joined a cool group of ladies who call themselves GirlsDrawinGirls. They're in the animation industry and, well, they like to draw girls. How awesome is that?

They've already put out one book, and now they're working on another, due out next year. The theme is fairy tales, and the fairy tale I'm interpreting is Puss n' Boots.

Alright, stop laughing about how fu**king apropos that is.

Here's a rough idea that I'm still playing with:





















The easiest route to go would've been the furry route.

NO WAY in hell would I do that. So, it's a human Puss.

Shutup.

Btw, read the Wikipedia entry for Puss n' Boots here.



With all the fires in SoCal this week, it was easy to overlook a more local fire that went on in Venice on Wednesday. The husband was riding his bicycle home from Drunk Scout night and saw this going on in real time. No cops, no firefighters...just blazing palm trees and gunshots being fired. A guy ran by the husband yelling about a street fight coming their way. The husband wisely left after taking some video with his camera. He didn't hear any sirens until he was over a mile away. No coverage in the local news about this at all. We have no idea what the hell went on. Weeeeeeird.



The Derby Dolls are getting moved in to their new home in Historic Fillipino Town. Our first game in the new space is Saturday, Nov. 17. The next game(and last for the calendar year) will be in early December. Woot!


Back to work on the Halloween costume.

O Mazn...

Got the Austin Powers fembot costume in the mail today.

I'm SO SCREWED.

It's as transparent as I feared.

Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? I'm pulling out the hot glue gun and some needles and thread and will be adding another layer of fabric to the costume. I'm so NOT artsy-craftsy, this should be an interesting endeavor. How badly will I screw it up? Only time will tell. Stay tuned...

Also, I went shoe shopping yesterday for the costume.

For great cheap heels, Hollyweird Blvd. can't be beat. There's a buttload of stripper supply stores along a 4-block corridor that makes shopping for gloves and stripper shoes very easy.

It's also a humbling experience for big ol' knuckle-draggers such as myself, as strippers are tiny! An example: at a regular store, I'm now running at around a 10 or 10.5 in shoes, depending on the brand. At the stripper stores, I'm at Tranny-sized 12. 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The clothes are the same way. In regular stores, I'm at around a size 8 to 10. In other words, average. The stripper stores don't even bother making clothes in my size, 'cos in Stripperland, I'm OBESE. Therefore, I don't exist, 'cos fat strippers don't make money.

Visually, this is how I felt after going shopping at the stripper stores:


















Oh btw, the shoes I got look remarkably similiar to the ones the, uh, "lady" on the far right is wearing, except I have mules.

They're surprisingly comfortable compared to the f*** me pumps I wore in Vegas.

Weird.

Somehow I doubt that I'll be taking many pix of my costume this year!

I'm an Idiot

Today's Idiocy:

Halloween costumes.

Every year it's a challenge to come up with something for both the husband and myself to put together...the past two years we've done pretty good, though. This year we were stuck, but got an idea from husband's coworker and fellow Drunk Scout, Raised by Wolves, to go as Austin Powers and a fembot.

FANTASTIC!!

This was an idea that especially sounded good at the King's Head Tavern in Santa Monica where the husband's soon-to-be-ex coworkers were "celebrating" a bunch of them getting laid off from the hell project they've been slaving away on for way too long. Note: don't take costume ideas seriously when two whiskey shots, two ciders, and a lack of food were present.

The next day we go online, find a couple of costumes(of which there is a wiiiiiiiiiiiiide variety of Austin Powers costumery to choose from), and order them. Halloween problems mostly solved! All I need is gloves, shoes, and a lot of liquor to actually go out in public wearing the damn outfit.

The photo of the fembot costume on the site that we ordered from looks like this:

























Cute. Pink. Not too embarrassing...somewhat opaque, which is a very, very good thing.

This morning I was hunting around the internet looking for ideas on how to do the gunbarrels sticking out of the fembot costume(no luck, btw), and came across this photo:

























I'm reallyreallyreallyreally hoping that this is NOT how the costume actually looks.

I'll die.

No, SERIOUSLY.

I'll freakin' DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE.


The costumes won't show up to the house for a couple more days. I'll be sitting and whimpering in a dark corner until they're here and I can see for myself what kind of trouble I've gotten myself into.

Pray for me.

In the meantime, here's the clip from the Austin Powers movie that this lunacy is coming from:

FINALLY

So I finally got around to getting my paws on the camera to upload some photos. Enjoy my narcissism!

The day after my second laser tattoo removal appointment. Tasty, isn't it?





















The redness around the tatt has now faded. Parts of the black outline are definitely being obliterated. The red hasn't budged, and the blue is holding on pretty good, too. I was told that I'd start seeing more results starting two weeks after the treatment, so we'll see.

It's still a bit tender to the touch, and it feels like my muscle was cooked or something...the meat feels extra tough under the tatt. Weird!


One of the husband's pride and joys at SNIFF: building a nice fire out of wet firewood and empty pizza boxes. He did what no one else could do:















I like the out-of-focus effect.

Here we are with SNIFF's host, RE:




















He is, as they say, the f***ing sh!t.

It's too bad that we weren't able to stick around for the full effect of SNIFF, but I think you'll agree that the following photos make up for our lameness.


Now the fun stuff!


Here's the husband all dressed up for the Monkey Boy and Girl's wedding in Vegas:




















Getting him to look happy for a photo isn't easy. I mean really, he's standing in the lobby of the damn Bellagio surrounded by beautiful plants and that's as happy as he can look?!


Mudsock getting a Sharpie tattoo:




















Yes, it was one of those kinds of weddings!


And now...


















for your viewing pleasure...



















THE DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





































Ta-da!

I also picked up a lovely accessory at the wedding:




















No, the maniacal look on my face is standard. Notice the cute drink monkey on my earring. I think that drink monkeys should be required at every wedding. 'Cos they're fun. I like fun, and that weekend was definitely fun!


OH, and the Derby Dolls are going to start having games again in November. Boo-yah!

First Impressions

Here's some first impressions from my weekend. Totally self-absorbed, as usual.

Eating at SNIFF:




















The amount of weight I gained over the weekend was obscene. I threw any self-control when it came to eating and drinking out the window. I had some incredible tri-tip, biscuits and gravy, pizza and donuts galore. In other words, all the foods that I regularly don't get to eat. Luckily I was able to start making up for it yesterday when I rode my bicycle from the Westside to the Hollywood Bowl parking lot for a two-hour bootcamp and then rode home again. My thighs are screaming today.

I ended up riding 26 miles to and from the Hollywood Bowl. Good lourd!

Here's my rendition of standing in the Bellagio lobby waiting to go to the Monkey Boy and Girl's wedding. I actually felt like I didn't stand out in a bad way most of the time. Most of the women there looked like tourists. That's not a good thing.














I have to admit, I liked dressing up for this occasion. Alright, the shoes were absolute murder, but I knew that would happen. I found out that it's easier to run in 4-inch stiletto heels than it is to walk or stand in them. Walking in them hobbled my speed down to "normal" walking speed. The husband loved it, and I think he would love it if I wore the damn things more often so that he can actually walk with me for once. Bother!

The other part of dressing up complete with heels that the husband liked is that I was pretty damn tall. Not quite transvestite tall, but above-the-heads-of-most-mortals tall. I would wreck the effect by talking in a really deep voice as if I was indeed a tranny. The husband told me to shut up when I did that. Ha ha!


This is what I woke up to yesterday:















Cats in my face. As time goes by, the cats are getting bolder in their interpretation of the Angriest Cat in the World's annoyances. I didn't get any sleep last night thanks to the Diabetic Fatass Cat's insistence on meowing continuously and attempting to pet my face with a cold paw. I'd sleepily place him on the floor, but he'd hop right back up and sit on my feet to purr and meow some more. Rotten furry bastard.

Photos coming soon. I hope.

Underappreciating

This past weekend really hit home a point that's been swimming around in my muddled little brain for the past couple of weeks.

Friends are awesome.

Yeah, quite the newsflash, ain't it?

No, but really.

Trotting around the state visiting very different groups of people made me realize how damn lucky I am. I know some amazing people. They even invite me...me! to their fun events, whether it's a biker party or a wedding. And going from one to the other in a day is quite a stretch!

I'm not articulating what I want to say very well, so let's just say that I had such fun seeing and talking to a wide variety of people whom I consider to be really really great in one way or another. I'm a lucky little knuckle-dragger, oh yes I am.

Here's the rest of the design for the SNIFF shirts this year:





















The Never Trust an Electraglide... comment is from the proprietor of the party, RE. He has a history of, uh, testing Harley-Davidson bikes to their utmost engineering limits while out on cross-country trips, resulting in a couple of spectacular crashes that boggles the mind that he made it through alive and in one piece. He has a few guardian angels trying to keep up with him, that one.

More to come on my adventures later...complete with pictures of me in a dress. Just in time for Halloween!

An Interesting Day...

Want to read about my day?

Sure you do! If you didn't, why the hell are you reading this to begin with?!?! Sheesh!

Anyway, it all started early this morning...

I went on a beach skate, as I knew that I'd be busy for the rest of the day and I needed to get my exercise in. Things were going fine until I blew out a wheel bearing north of Santa Monica on the bike path. I live south of Santa Monica, about 2 miles inland. DAMMIT.

So I started slowly scooting back from whence I came, and I ran into one of the sequence directors with whom I worked with over the summer. In fact, it's one of the guys I was writing about yesterday. He's Example B, btw. He's getting ready to go surfing, so I stoopidly don't offer to make him take me home.

I should have.

My wheel completely stopped turning about a mile down the bike path, and so I had to scoot myself home for the remaining 3-4 miles with one foot and trying to coast on the other foot. Sounds easy, like riding a skateboard, right? IT'S NOT. I almost face-planted about five major times, and got verbally acosted by a group of hobos in Venice. They liked redheads and let me know in no uncertain terms just HOW MUCH they liked redheads. Like I needed that crap.

After scooting across hellishly busy intersections, almost running into various joggers, other hobos, and old ladies, and trying to skate up a damn hill, I finally got home. Just in time to take a shower and run more errands.

I stop to pick up my portfolio in Burbank. As I'm packing up the bike, four WWII-era fighter planes cruise by overhead. I stop and gawk, 'cos I love planes. Especially old planes. A studio security guard is sitting by his car (a Mustang! ooooooooh!) and tells me what kind of planes they are(I forget specifically what they were, except that they're from McDonnell-Douglas). He then tells me about some place at the Van Nuys airport where one can fly those planes, which is pretty damn cool. I ask him if he flies, and he says he has. I said that it must take a helluva lot of concentration to fly, and he tells me that actually it's about as much as it does to ride a murdersickle. Really? I'm surprised. He then surprises me some more by telling me how nice his day is when he gets to see a woman dressed in leather riding motorcycles and appreciating planes. Bwahahahahaha!!!! At least he was cute.

So I skedaddled to meet up with Cute Friend Becca and my Bunny-Hugging board artist from the summer. After getting the literal runaround from the studio about where I can park the damn bike, I caught up with the ladies and we had a very entertaining lunch. Gossip and hilarity ensued.

Then it was off to my second tattoo removal appointment in Beverly Hills. I was early, so I sat and read Vogue. I can't believe women give a damn about stick figures in expensive clothes. Absolutely baffling. I get called in and get zapped. The strength of the laser was increased, and so the tattoo and the area immediately surrounding it is swollen and red as hell. It's nasty looking, actually. I'm icing the area as I type to keep the swelling at bay. My next appointment is in 8 weeks...the week of my birthday, as a matter of fact. Oh joy.

And then I came home to the fatass diabetic cat having a very mild reaction to his insulin. Good grief.

All that's left for today is going to watch derby practice at the beach, and then packing up for this weekend's adventures. In the meantime, have fun kids, and don't get any wooden tattoos!

A Few of My Favorite "Compliments"...

Everyone likes getting complimented whether they take them well or not. I'm no exception, and as an added bonus, I take compliments very badly. So my favorite compliments are the backhanded ones that I get from time to time...the surface niceness barely covers the potentially searing insult underneath. Here are three of my faves...two are work-related:


a) I was working on a fun show with a young supervising director. We're going over the notes he had on one of my boards. Generally we're cracking jokes, laughing a lot, raising a ruckus and having fun. He's very funny and very talented and I think he's a cool guy. Anyway, he's riffling through the board randomly and then mutters, "You know what I like about your drawing style? There's no style to it!"

Everything stops.

Excuse me? I say with a raised eyebrow.

Uhhhhhh... he says, as he realizes how that really sounds...No, what I mean is...uhhhh, your natural style is very adaptable to whatever show you work on...(insert stammering and sweating here)....

The thing is? He's right. I have a non-style and I tend to mimic the style of whatever show I'm working on at the moment into my boards and whatnot. But it sure was funny to watch him squirm for those few minutes.



b) One day over the summer I was talking with one of the fellow supervising directors on the last job I was on about last year's project that we had both storyboarded on. He's Mr. Action Show guy and can be rather intimidating. For the first month I worked with him I had a mantra that I kept repeating to myself over and over in my head along the lines of, I'm Not Afraid, I'm Not Afraid, I'm Not Afraid...

He says to me with an air of casual authority, "I saw your boards from last year. They're very charming, even though you didn't draw them on-model."

Um, what?

Gee, thanks! I said.

"No, really, the board worked out anyway." he says in a sorta-semi-reassuring tone. Well, that makes it all better, doesn't it?! I still have no idea whether he actually thinks I can draw worth a damn. But on the project I was the resident doofus while he was the resident action sequence dude, so we each had our place on the production.



c) I was having dinner with some of the Tejas expatriates at Vitello's a couple of weeks ago. For the occasion I actually wore some makeup and the now-standard huge earrings. One of the guys came up to me and commented on said makeup and earrings. I said, "Yeah, I thought I'd dress as a girl for once." to which he replied, "You look good as a girl!" Which doesn't sound too back-handed here, but his verbal delivery is so delightfully deadpan it just makes one wonder!



Here's a sneak preview of the shirt design I did for one of the events that I'm going to this weekend:





















I'll post the back of the design when I get back next week.

Drying Up...

Warner Bros is a weird place these days.

This morning I read this article linked from John K's blog comment section. Made me say, "WTF?!?!?!" to myself, as it comes on the heels of the announcement that Kids WB will cease to exist, leaving what little Saturday morning animation on CW to be done by 4Kids...the guys that used to do Pokemon and also currently do all of Fox's Saturday morning crap. Warners ain't itself these days.

What does this mean for the average working jane such as myself? Even less job stability, as there's one less place to try to get a job at. Crap. I yearn for a day when Americans can make funny cartoons to be shown on tv again, but I don't know if that will be allowed to happen.

What to do?

Start one's own crap on the internet is the obvious first choice. Hell, look at Homestar Runner...one of the funniest internet cartoons out there, IMO and they're still going strong. The creators got the chance to go on tv, but they turned it down because they knew the suits would screw up the show. Good on them.

In the meantime, here's a logo for the Derby Dolls' referee crew that I'm almost done with:






















It was inspired by artwork from the early-80's ska bands like the Selecter. Fun stuff. A little more tweaking and it'll be ready to go. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

Speaking of Derby Dolls...we're still homeless, technically. I don't know when our next game will be. I don't know if/when we'll be moving the track that's currently in a new storage space into our alleged almost-OK'd new space in Silverlake. Ugh. Frustrating.

So in the meantime I'm beach skating and getting ready for this weekend's festivities of bikers, cool t-shirts and weddings. Yay!

Holy crap I'm a piiiiiiig...

I ate too much over the weekend. Now I feel crapacious. Bleh. It's salad for me for most of the week.

I also found out that my usual beach skate route is silly as hell. I skate almost 20 miles when I go from my house to the End of the World(aka: Temescal Canyon). Wow, that's a good haul! No wonder my quadriceps are so damn huge.

Here's a couple of roughs for drawings that I did for people. We start with a card I made for my pal Raf in honor of his coming through a freaky medical scare, and then not getting a job on the upcoming Wonder Woman direct-to-video:














Yes, that's Wonder Woman getting a face full o' skate. She deserves it, trust me. The color version came out pretty well...too bad I didn't bother getting a scan of it before handing it off to Raf. He's now in the same circle of hell freelance-wise that I am. Ha-ha!

Here's a rough for a birthday card I did for fellow Fight Crew skater and Simpsons artist Vulvarine:















She had a birthday bicycle pub crawl on Saturday night. Gawdamm, that was fun! About 25 of her friends showed up for beer, absinthe, beer, tequila, pizza, beer, beer, pizza, cake and rum. And that was before the group left for the ride! When we got back after the pub crawl, we had cake, chips, and McDonald's crap. Oh, and some beer. It was ridiculous. And tasty.

I stumbled upon the latest in reality show stupidity last night: America's Most Smartest Model. To be honest, I wouldn't have bothered with it at all had Ben Stein not been one of the "hosts". Try to watch the first episode, if you can. The rest of it doesn't look as interesting.

Ugh. I have a definite case of the Mondays.

Another Hurdle

So I have this wedding to go to next weekend. In freakin' Vegas.

I hate Vegas.

I'm not a big fan of attending weddings.

Why?

Because I dread having to dress for weddings.

That's why the murdersickle is so handy. Usually the husband and I ride the bikes to weddings, so we sneak out of the whole dressing-up thing. Not this time. We're flying, so we have no excuse to not look somewhat appropriate for the occasion. Any normal woman would be excited to dress up for a wedding in Vegas, baby!

Then there's me.

Doofus extraordinaire.

But, I bravely went out to the local Nordstrom's Rack, armed with nothing but my credit card, comfortable shoes, and the swirling advice from Stacey and Clinton from What Not to Wear trying to sink into my stubborn black-clad brain cells. I intended on getting a dress for the wedding that can also be used for whatever other social crap I may have going on during the upcoming holidays. A couple of other daytime items of clothing was also on my list of to-get stuff.

I came out of the experience realizing that shopping ain't as easy as it looks.

It took me forever to navigate the store to find dresses, much less the other secondary crap I wanted. When I found the dresses, it took me forever to find anything that would look semi-decent on a Knuckle-Dragging Brute. Either the fabric was atrocious, the dress style was hideous, the color was vomitrocious, or it was in the wrong size.

I was in that damn store for two hours.

I almost had a meltdown.

Just like the women on What Not to Wear do!

So I distracted myself by finding an amazing pair of black shiny pumps. They probably qualify for what some people call F*** me pumps. I'm stoked! I won't be able to walk worth a damn, but I'm stoked!

I got a second wind after that and found a damn dress hidden away amongst some of the ugliest patterns ever created by mankind. Here's a detailed and incredibly accurate artist's portrayal of what I'll look like next weekend in Vegas:





















SHEXSHAY, don't you think?!

Kill me now.

Still working on figuring out accessories and whatnot. This dressing-like-a-girl thing is exhausting!!

What I do for a friend!

And I found a new song by Peaches. I heart it much!