So I have this wedding to go to next weekend. In freakin' Vegas.
I hate Vegas.
I'm not a big fan of attending weddings.
Because I dread having to dress for weddings.
That's why the murdersickle is so handy. Usually the husband and I ride the bikes to weddings, so we sneak out of the whole dressing-up thing. Not this time. We're flying, so we have no excuse to not look somewhat appropriate for the occasion. Any normal woman would be excited to dress up for a wedding in Vegas, baby!
Then there's me.
But, I bravely went out to the local Nordstrom's Rack, armed with nothing but my credit card, comfortable shoes, and the swirling advice from Stacey and Clinton from What Not to Wear trying to sink into my stubborn black-clad brain cells. I intended on getting a dress for the wedding that can also be used for whatever other social crap I may have going on during the upcoming holidays. A couple of other daytime items of clothing was also on my list of to-get stuff.
I came out of the experience realizing that shopping ain't as easy as it looks.
It took me forever to navigate the store to find dresses, much less the other secondary crap I wanted. When I found the dresses, it took me forever to find anything that would look semi-decent on a Knuckle-Dragging Brute. Either the fabric was atrocious, the dress style was hideous, the color was vomitrocious, or it was in the wrong size.
I was in that damn store for two hours.
I almost had a meltdown.
Just like the women on What Not to Wear do!
So I distracted myself by finding an amazing pair of black shiny pumps. They probably qualify for what some people call F*** me pumps. I'm stoked! I won't be able to walk worth a damn, but I'm stoked!
I got a second wind after that and found a damn dress hidden away amongst some of the ugliest patterns ever created by mankind. Here's a detailed and incredibly accurate artist's portrayal of what I'll look like next weekend in Vegas:
SHEXSHAY, don't you think?!
Kill me now.
Still working on figuring out accessories and whatnot. This dressing-like-a-girl thing is exhausting!!
What I do for a friend!
And I found a new song by Peaches. I heart it much!