Thursday, October 04, 2007

Another Hurdle

So I have this wedding to go to next weekend. In freakin' Vegas.

I hate Vegas.

I'm not a big fan of attending weddings.


Because I dread having to dress for weddings.

That's why the murdersickle is so handy. Usually the husband and I ride the bikes to weddings, so we sneak out of the whole dressing-up thing. Not this time. We're flying, so we have no excuse to not look somewhat appropriate for the occasion. Any normal woman would be excited to dress up for a wedding in Vegas, baby!

Then there's me.

Doofus extraordinaire.

But, I bravely went out to the local Nordstrom's Rack, armed with nothing but my credit card, comfortable shoes, and the swirling advice from Stacey and Clinton from What Not to Wear trying to sink into my stubborn black-clad brain cells. I intended on getting a dress for the wedding that can also be used for whatever other social crap I may have going on during the upcoming holidays. A couple of other daytime items of clothing was also on my list of to-get stuff.

I came out of the experience realizing that shopping ain't as easy as it looks.

It took me forever to navigate the store to find dresses, much less the other secondary crap I wanted. When I found the dresses, it took me forever to find anything that would look semi-decent on a Knuckle-Dragging Brute. Either the fabric was atrocious, the dress style was hideous, the color was vomitrocious, or it was in the wrong size.

I was in that damn store for two hours.

I almost had a meltdown.

Just like the women on What Not to Wear do!

So I distracted myself by finding an amazing pair of black shiny pumps. They probably qualify for what some people call F*** me pumps. I'm stoked! I won't be able to walk worth a damn, but I'm stoked!

I got a second wind after that and found a damn dress hidden away amongst some of the ugliest patterns ever created by mankind. Here's a detailed and incredibly accurate artist's portrayal of what I'll look like next weekend in Vegas:

, don't you think?!

Kill me now.

Still working on figuring out accessories and whatnot. This dressing-like-a-girl thing is exhausting!!

What I do for a friend!

And I found a new song by Peaches. I heart it much!


Ken Mitchroney said...

(Hey - this is Beth, not Kenny.) Yeah, reminds me of the day I had to find a dress for the DNA "casino night" party. In Texas, Appearances Mean Something (hint to all you non-Texans out there: more Miss Americas came from Denton, Texas, than anywhere, as did gorgeous redheaded actress Ann Sheridan...Gorgeous Angie Harmon's from Texas, too. So there, y'all!) I've spent too much time in horse stalls to enjoy dresses, but I had my Texas-parent heritage to keep, I had hoped to get a job at DNA, so I had to Find a Dress. We were late to the party because I was goin' through the same things as my red-headed cohort here. Found one. Looked okay in it. All the other Texas girls agreed with me when I tried to tell Kenny that Looks Are Important In Texas. Personally, i feel the most dressed up in my English riding togs, sittin' on my lovely Siegfried saddle as my gorgeous black Thoroughbred explodes in wild misbehavior beneath me. But...not everyone's cut out for the red carpet.
Love, Beth

Herman Fleet said...

Well nothing compares to being the bride of said occasion and STILL wondering what I'm going to wear. Ain't no traditional gathering here, no priest to say the nuptials, so I'm off the hook for any "traditional" obligations. Trying to balance the "hey, let's have a party" vibe with the "hey, let's try to not dress like it's your 5th wedding (though it's my first and last) and you don't care" has been difficult to say the least. I think the dress that I got TODAY will suffice. And I think whatever you wear will make you look hot, and I especially recommend that great blue dress if you're so inclined (though I probably should have mentioned that before the shopping nightmare). Oh, and Sharpies are welcome. Just think of it as a house party in a house that's infinitely fancier (and bigger) than our own. And just try to forget, like I have, that these pictures "last a lifetime." Oy...such pressure.

We're really happy that you two are able to come, and regret that we didn't have the foresight to avoid booking the same weekend as Lebowskifest.

See you in Vegas!

Jen & Chris

RedDiabla said...

HOLY CRAP. When I told the husband about needing to find something appropriate to wear for the wedding, he said, "Just wear that blue dress."

DAMN! Had I known!

We can celebrate with our own Lebowskifest at your wedding...just pack the bowling shoes and viking outfits!