Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Weekend Siege

The annual July 4 weekend BBQ at Eva Destruction's Mansion went off with an interesting hitch this year.

Usually there's the standard drinking, eating of veggies and cooked flesh, dressing in whatever theme Eva's husband comes up with, and a few loud motorcycles in the driveway. This year there was most of that...well, except for adherence to the BBQ theme("America, F*** Yeah!").

A side note...usually people go all out on these Mansion party themes. As in, whatever I come up with, I look like a total amateur compared to everyone else. But for "America, F*** Yeah!", people seemed to not care. Or be stumped, I'm not sure. The husband and I were the only ones who bothered. We went to the local Salvation Army and got ourselves some damn ugly patriotic clothing. Between the two of us we spent around $10. It was awesome.

ANYWAY, back to the BBQ. Below is a photo of Pocket Rock-it's shoulder, me in my hideous Salvation Army outfit, and Eva's husband Hot Carl waiting in anticipation for the corn-on-the-cob eating contest to get underway.

I won't show you the hideous photos of the six of us during the contest(Jihad and Janis Choplin also participated). It's ugly. As in, time to vomit ugly. Like, seeing Martha Stewart in the nude ugly.

Last year's winner, Jihad, didn't mess around, and managed to eat seven freakin' cobs in two minutes. How the hell she did it, I don't really know. I managed only four, and it was a struggle. Here she is with the corn-eating crown:

Not long after the victory photo was taken, we all noticed a police helicopter swarming about:

It didn't go away. In fact, it kept getting closer until it was right overhead. We had been making jokes about it tracking us, but stopped when the copter didn't go away.

Pocket Rock-it's boyfriend, Red, waltzed up and said, "Some guy just popped over the yard fence and asked for a bandage. When I said 'no', he left." Apparently the cops were looking for that guy, and blocked off the street soon after Red's encounter with the fugitive.

The police came and talked to Red, along with Razorslut's husband, Mr. Slut. Mr. Slut saw the fugitive as well. When he was done talking with the cops, he told the rest of the party that the fugitive was wanted for stealing a car. Wow, getting a whole street blocked off for stealing a car?! In LA?!?! That's pretty damn impressive!

Red finished talking with the cops and reported that the fugitive robbed a liquor store. Hmmmm. Robbed a liquor store and then stole a car, or stole a car and robbed a liquor store?

During all of this the helicopter kept swarming directly overhead.

After 2o minutes we were told by the cops to get inside, as the fugitive was suspected to be still lurking about. We grabbed the beer and whatever meat was on the BBQ and headed indoors.

We ended up having to stay indoors for the next two hours. On a hot summer night. With no air conditioning. Um, yeah. Good times!

While we sat inside, the cops came onto the property with their police dogs and searched the side and back yards. It was kinda surreal to see flashlights cut through the night with the shadowy figures of the dogs flitting through occasionally. They seemed strangely hyper, those dogs. We dared to break protocol and stepped out onto the front porch, where I took a photo of the cops. They didn't like it when I did that.

The party people got restless. And cranky.

So did the cops. They kept coming up and asking to talk to Red Rock-it and Mr. Slut about what they saw of the fugitive. Added to the car-stealing and liquor-store-robbing was a count of climbing over a 2o-foot fence topped with razorwire(hence his asking for a bandage from Red) as the siege wore on. For some reason the cops thought we weren't cooperating enough, so they said that the guy also shot a baby. This last count was a total fabrication. The party people were not amused:

After two hours and the constant drone of the police copter overhead, we finally heard that the fugitive was caught the next block over. Finally!

So we promptly left.

Well, after catching this charming moment of one of the party people passed out on the floor. How he got his head under the endtable, I'm not too sure.

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